Thousand years!

everything i do is for you

So I had a completly diffrent post written for today. but as I was writing it, I had my play list on and this song came on and shook up some deep emotions. So the other post just didn't fit right. 

When I got married the first couple months I suffered with alot of loneliness. when I was dating my husband I had been through a lot with family, a battle between me and myself. He never left my side.

 

**Real quick about my husband** he is a VERY shy man!! He sticks to himself and soft spoken. a heart of pure gold, honest spoken and kind hearted. 

He defended me when people doubted me and even our relationship. The crazy thing is I knew this man would be my husband since the 6th grade. That's middle school people!! 

us in 2008

  

  Anyways, back on topic...I remember 2 months into our marriage I would beg him for a baby! I felt I was ready and needed a child to complete something that felt so empty. He knew we weren't ready, not only were we newlyweds but finacially. 

He would always ask the question of why I felt the need to have a child?

My response was because I want to feel love unconditionally. I want someone to ALWAYS love me, choose me 1st before anything. The need to be wanted. 

All my life I lived to please the people around me. 

Now I can realize that wasn't the right state of mind. To have a child is to love them unconditionally. 

wedding 2010

UNPLANNED we were pregnant, 7 months into our marriage. 

I was scared as hell! Wasn't ready. Thinking back to all those conversations we had and I regretted it. There was a point that I kinda wish I wasnt. I wasnt ready. I was in a place in my life where I felt happy. 

Not only that, I didnt realize the impact of my mothers stillborn son would make on my pregnancy. 

By 5 months, that's when I really started to connect with my son. 

My decisions as a parent kicked in. I only wanted the best! I researched EVERYTHING!!! 

• my birth plan...peaceful waterbirth.
• type of diapers i wanted. 
• what kind of food I wanted to provide, all down to the niddy griddy. 

When the time came August 13th, it was time to meet my sweet baby boy. 

 That very first cry I heard of my son. I knew my life was to care for him to protect him from anything and everything!

'The bond I have with my wonderful Leland is undescribable! 

He has taught me who I am. 

He helped me find the lost piece of my being.

Because of you my dearest, I love bigger, speak louder, stand taller. 

Because of you my son, I gained a stronger faith in Jehovah God.

Because of you, I Will be forever gratful to your father. 

Because of you, I know who I am. 

Who am i?

I am your mother. 

Just like the song that is playing: "I will love you for a thousand years"

I love you sweet baby! 

*video below*

XOXO MOMMA